Oh Sleep Where Art Thou?

I have been taking "a mild sleeping pill" (name that movie =p) for the past month or so because it was taking me an hour or more to fall asleep every night and when I was awakened in the middle of the night it took me that long to fall asleep again resulting in one TIRED, EXHAUSTED saggy-eyed mommy! This pill has to be a new wonder of the world--at least for me! It really has brought *some* sanity back into my life.

Last night, I popped my pill about 10:45 and went to bed hoping for a good night's sleep. Around 11:30, Olivia woke up crying. I decided (since Sage is working nights) to put her in bed with me. She fell back to sleep but only momentarily and was awake banging her head on the wall and dropping her bottle behind the bed, etc. Well at 1:30 (mind you Olivia has not gone back to sleep yet), Kyle starts to cry. He usually only does this if he is sick. So in order to keep him from waking up Aubrey, I put Olivia (still awake) back in her bed and put Kyle in bed with me. He was complaining of his foot hurting on the bottom and I suspected a sliver but there was NO way I was going to squint my eyes at 1:30 IN THE MORNING to retrieve a piece of wood. He fell asleep not long after that. Olivia, however, did not go back to sleep until 3:30! =0 =0 =0 =0 I am sure there had to have been some dozing on my part but not sleep. I changed her diaper three times in the four hour "happy hour" she was having because I just kept hoping if I gave her a bottle, she would go back to sleep---which obviously didn't work until bottle # "who knows".

The past couple of days I have been filling in at the doc's office so I had to get up early (for me) and tried to carefully get out of bed so as to not wake Kyle. Well, that didn't work and he started crying from exhaustion I am sure and I tried hard to get him to be quiet because I didn't want him waking up Aubrey. Too late. So now I have both of them up and I am trying to get into the shower. Not too long after I get in the shower, Aubrey has to go potty. Seeing as she sleeps in blanket sleepers, I had to hang myself out of the shower to undo her. I asked Kyle to please help her but he could get her on the toilet so I again had to hang out to get her on. Well, what comes off must go back on and of course she couldn't get the sleeper back up and that really upset her. I hurried out of the shower, got her dressed, and proceeded to get myself ready for the day. As I walked past Olivia's room on my way upstairs, I heard the light switch going off and on, off and on. I thought Olivia had awakened and started playing with this so I opened the door only to find that it was Aubrey doing the switching and as you might've guessed Olivia was NOT sleeping!

So can I tell you how happy I was to "have" to leave to go to "work!" My dear mother had these sleep-deprived kiddos until I got home. So I am right now going to attempt to pop my pill and have a VERY good night's sleep! Did you hear that kids? S-L-E-E-P! (please)

You can never know the good, if you never know the bad....

I am sure only a handful of you might recognize these words as lyrics from a well-beloved "musical" but it really has become a theme song in my life and I find myself singing it more and more lately(especially in the shower--in my head). I know there would be many things I would not appreciate or even know about, if I didn't experience the exact opposite.

Some of the most intense "feelings" have been going on lately and some very hard things to deal with. Some days have been like thick concrete that is setting and I just can't seem to get to the side and get out of it. Other days are just plain chaotic and days that make good stories for motherhood.

And today brought on such sweet, overwhelming emotions as to how much we are loved and watched over and how because of the hard times, we appreciate the well-termed "tender mercies." Sage and I have been trying to figure out exactly what to do about our living situation. Our house has NOT sold nor will it most likely for awhile still and we don't have money to get our own place until it does sell. Unless, we rent it out. I have been looking for the past 18 months faithfully in the paper every week (yes, we only have a weekly paper in our small town) for rentals hoping that just maybe we could inhabit one of them. There have been some nice ones that we've just had to let go on by because there has just been no way we can do it.

Yesterday, I noticed a rental advertised and recognized the number as a good friend of mine. I called her about it and she told me the details. It is a very nice, big house that was remodeled in the past few years and has a huge yard and is out of town, etc. I was excited about it and knew that it was at the top of our range for renting (if we rented ours out). Today she called me and said that when she told her husband we were interested, he wants to rent it to us for $100 LESS than what they normally would. AND we talked to the realtor today and it sounds like there may be a couple of interested renters for our house. The other good thing is that this rental will not be available until October 1st so that gives us time to get ours rented out. Of course, nothing has happened yet but it has just given me some hope that through all this really, really hard stuff.....the best is yet to come!

Too Young for Makeup?

I was doing one of a bajillion things yesterday when Aubrey comes up looking like this with her underwear and pajamas at her ankles:

My first thought was "OH NO! She painted herself in her poo!" Maybe the shock factor was good in her defense because once I found out it wasn't, I was SO relieved.

Downstairs this is what I found:


And this is what took the brunt of the beauty session:


I don't wear eye shadow all that often anyway but I was counting on this lasting years and years (I think it already has!).

She really didn't do too bad of a job if she was a makeup artist on a show and needed to fabricate a black eye! ;)

Breakdown on Isle 4

So lately things have been, well, emotionally tough shall we say?! But we're on the road to getting that under control. Yesterday, Saturday, I took the kids grocery shopping. Sage was working and (as usual) I went just me and kiddos. Usually it is not a big deal at all. It works pretty well if there is one of the carts that is shaped like a truck so two kids can sit up front and one can sit in the basket. Kyle and Olivia were up front on this trip and Aubrey up by me. Ten minutes into shopping, Olivia starts getting fussy and fighting with Kyle in the front. I threaten to take her out and she calms down for a couple of minutes and then, while trying to find my favorite butter braid pretzels (which were all gone =(), Olivia starts climbing out of the truck SCREAMING her guts out. So I get her and hold her. She is arching her back and basically going into hysterics for no good reason. I offer for her to sit up front or walk or get back into the truck but she will have NOTHING to do with anything except her full blown toddler tantrum. I am used to getting looks from people having three little kids. I just blow them off. I was frustrated trying to steer the ginormous chart around while holding my hysterical toddler but holding it all together quite well.

As I head back to the milk, I hear a man say (and not quietly), "Someone needs to kill that child." =0 =0 =0 =0 =0 =0 =0 =0 =0 =0 =0 =0 =0

And right then and there I LOST it. BAWLED my eyes out. I was in total shock that someone would say something like that and considering my nerves were a little fried anyway, I just could not stop. I tried but the tears flowed and flowed. I tried to go about my business getting a gallon of milk at a time while still holding a manic, crazy Olivia.

As I turn around, there is this wonderful woman with her arms open saying, "Can I hold her for a minute?" I recognized her as a nurse at the hospital and she was one of the nurses I had when I had Kyle and when I had Olivia. Although I know she wouldn't remember me, I felt comforted that I knew who she was and I handed over my "bundle of joy." She comforted me as I sobbed saying it was okay and she would just take Olivia to the card isle so I could finish my shopping. I just had one more place to go so I gratefully took her up on the offer and headed to the yogurt. I was still crying uncontrollably but at least down one frantic child. I somewhat got myself back together and went to retrieve Olivia.

She could be heard screaming throughout the whole store so it wasn't hard to find her (nor was I afraid that anyone would try to make a getaway with her =p). Once she was back in my arms, she was quiet immediately and put her head on my shoulder. The dear nurse, Deb, still consoled me and told me she remembered the days. I thanked her emphatically!

I checked out still trying to choke back my tears. We got my prescription (my anti-anxiety pill no less! lol) and got back into the van and on our way without any further problem.

But all day long, the words of that man echoed in my head. I know it is nothing to dwell on nor is there anything to do about it except forget and move on and keep shopping with or without screaming children! And realize that a breakdown (no matter the age) is okay---and I'm in reference to myself here because after the fact I was so embarrassed but I guess I can put a check mark next to "cry like you're creating your own flood" on my to do list!

Introducing......

Porter James--5 lbs 3 oz 18 1/4 inches



Brianna Lynn--4 lbs 10 oz 18 inches



My friend Meagan delivered these beautiful twins on Saturday, August 2nd, via c-section at 34 weeks.

Let me tell you a little about Meagan. I have actually never met her (**gasps**) in real life (IRL) but we have been friends for 16 months. We met on the January 2007 birth board on babycenter.com. Olivia was due in January 2007 and when I was pregnant with her, I happened upon this board and have become friends with quite a few people. The one I seemed to hit it off the most with was Meagan. We have texted and emailed for months and spoken once. She has a son Maddox who is just a couple of weeks younger than Olivia. To her and her husband's complete surprise, they found out they were pregnant again early this year. Imagine their surprise when they found out they were having twins! And a little later she found out there were actually triplets but one of the babies didn't make it.

Well, after a routine prenatal visit this past Thursday, it was discovered that she was very much in labor and although they attempted to stop labor, the babies had other plans. Both are doing well. Porter is having a bit more of a struggle but Meagan told me today (the first time she got to hold him) that they let her put the twins together and he is doing much better. How sweet is that? And how precious is this picture?!



Congratulations to Meagan, Gregg, Makhayla, and Maddox!

Circus, Circus

Today the Circus came to town--literally--no puns about my kids here, I PROMISE! =) I remember going to a circus when I was little and wanted my kiddos to experience the same thing. Sage stayed home with Olivia and Kyle, Aubrey and I went to the Big Top. It was considerably warm inside but we remedied that with snow cones and cotton candy. We saw elephants and miniature ponies and poodles perform. Also saw the tightrope walkers and the trapeze artists (one of my favorite performances). There was an entourage of clowns which luckily never came too close to my kids because I can imagine Aubrey wouldn't have been too fond! There was a young contortionist and he was AMAZING! He folded himself inside a little box. I couldn't help but be a little sad for all the young children and kids that were part of the circus. One clown that came out couldn't have been more than 2. Kinda sad to have to be PART of a circus and not just be a spectator. I don't know. Maybe we are all missing out and haven't discovered that life really is more fun in a circus! I, however, prefer my own version of a circus....a three ring one at that...Kyle, Aubrey and Olivia! ;)